I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
