Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
