i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
