just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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