i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
