Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
