Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you never un-have a 4some
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
