My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i came on her dog
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0