Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail