textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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