remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck