I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
