So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter