So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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