He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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