Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
