You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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