Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
