How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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