we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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