I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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