I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
