It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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