When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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