Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
