I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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