I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize