I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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