We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
