the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
