I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
