Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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