Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
