Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
