Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
