Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
