remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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