i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
