My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
