This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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