Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.