sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)