I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"