You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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