Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
