"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he shaved USA in his pubs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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