he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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