Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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