you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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