But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
