I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
