I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
