Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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