i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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