it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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