my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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