The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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