Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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