Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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