Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Someone stole a lamp last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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