I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
