I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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