Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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