Too much gin, very little bucket
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
