I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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