and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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