i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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