One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
