He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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