I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
