Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
