Umm I'm too high to move.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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