11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
