The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
